Meaningless Connections & Are You Afraid Of Being Alone?
I think that one of the biggest questions that my therapist recently asked was, “What is your relationship with the apps and what would you like it to be?”. Let me tell you, that question was a question that needed to be asked for many years now. I have recorded podcasts about this topic and even written poems about dating apps and I have yet to seek my own advice for a long amount of time (I have gone 6+ months without them before), but I am trying to go the rest of my life without them.
I recently was on a trip which I had friends in the city, there should have been no need to “keep busy” with a guy. But, I have noticed that when I am on vacation, I enter “Nana Mode”, where I drink double than I should, I hardly sleep and I download apps (Grindr, etc.) to find a weekend bf/cuddle buddy. The thing about this vacation lifestyle is, I always pay for it when I am back home, I usually get a cold from going HAM for 3–5 days straight and also I feel like I wasted energy with guys in my bed that don’t matter to me after my trip. Not trying to sound harsh towards my travel hookups via apps, but like we matched on an app, hung out for one thing (sex) and there was nothing in common or there was no higher connection. What, I am getting at is that I need a human connection. I have written and recorded this before about being Demisexual and being bored of wasting my time ( https://antonioliranzo.medium.com/wasting-time-2c8fdddce969?sk=d258040e9d815c5c2fcc7a5bfc0997fa) , and it is time that I recognize that even more for myself.
Now, I did question myself, am I afraid of being alone? The fact is, I am not, when I am in my home state of New York, I honestly love being alone. I spend sometimes 3–4 days without seeing anyone to decompress, read, create art, meditate, workout, watch movies and chill the fuck out. So why do I have the need on vacation to run around and try to make meaningless connections?
The clear answer here is, attention! I believe that the adrenaline of being on a trip is so thrilling that I want to do it all. This can build up anxiety if I don’t have plans, I will seek plans/kill time by talking to random guys. I need to put this attention seeking into myself! It is fine to want attention, I am not dragging that nor am I dissing meeting vacation baes. Let me tell you, the guys I met organically on vacation were amazing and meaningful! But the ones I met on an app were meaningless and just created more dead air. I was channeling this dead air of no plans with more dead air by having another body in my bed with no chemistry. We already know I like to protect my sex energy, I also love my sleep. But when I have another person that I truly don’t know in my bed and sharing my empath aura, I can feel extremely drained the next day. I also have several autoimmune diseases, with a few days of no sleep (add some drinking into the mix) will lead me to becoming sick. I believe that if I put this attention into myself, then I wont have a problem going on a trip alone and just reading a book, checking out local coffee shops and meeting a cute guy organically at a gay bar. A true test to this was my Miami trip on September 2021. I went solo, and I didn’t use any apps to hangout with anyone, I beached it alone, went to the pool, went to some of my fave gay bars in Miami and saw some old friends. For me it was so freeing because I genuinely went with the flow and also didn’t mind staying in, eating ice cream and watching movies. That trip was so reassuring for me, I need to implement that experience in all future trips. I am a true believer of the universe and it will have your back in everything you manifest! I pledge to get off all the apps and really be present and let my true energy match with those that have the same energy qualities I have ❤.
For all my readers, comment or email me and tell me your stories. Do you like dating apps? Have you had crazy experiences on them? Are you also taking a break and wanting to let things play out?
The universe has your back, it’s ok to do things alone, the need of validation can be validated from within and when doubt comes into play, the need to run to your phone and download an app to meet someone shouldn’t be the priority. It should be sitting with oneself and seeing whats up? A beautiful “check in” can go a long way. Go out there and meet someone organically, I dare you! ;).
Love,
Antonio
✍🏽 Page: https://www.amazon.com/Antonio-Liranzo/e/B08RCCBNF6%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share
