Solitude vs Lonely
Before I dive into this topic, let’s see how the dictionary describes these 2 words.
1. Lonely
adjective, lone·li·er, lone·li·est.
•Affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
•Destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.:a lonely exile.
2. Solitude
noun
•The state of being or living alone; seclusion:to enjoy one’s solitude.
•Remoteness from habitations, as of a place; absence of human activity:the solitude of the mountains.
Now when you are looking at both words, they seem similar right? But in my recent experiences, they have very different meanings, but share the same nature.
So, 2 months ago I finally decided to do what I have been wanting to do for so long and that is… I moved to LA :). This has been one of the biggest decisions I have ever made. Flying across the country on your own is very scary and is not an easy task. I went through some ups and downs already (another article is coming out soon about my move), but one major change that happened was, living alone. My whole 30 years of existence I have never been truly alone before. I shared a bedroom with my brother my whole childhood, until I was 23 and moved out of my moms. In college, I was either sharing a room (dormitory style) or had an apartment with 3 roommates, things didn’t change when I moved out of my moms, I had 3 roommates for my 6+ years in Brooklyn. The most time, I ever had to myself was in my room in Brooklyn, but yet subconsciously I knew that I had comfort/a safety net, because my roommates room was the wall next to me, I would allow, about 10 hours a day to myself (majority of that was used to sleep).
So moving to LA alone, with no friends or family, my anxiety was at a sky high. On day 3 of my move, I had to really sit down and look at myself, and I was able to catch how nervous I was by being alone with myself. I was texting/dm’ing everyone I knew in LA to try to make plans daily, why? Well we later found out that I am scared of being alone with myself. After my first few weeks, I moved into my first studio and I thought moving cross country was going to shake my core upside down, well let me tell you… Going from living with someone around me for 30 years to living alone was a complete mind fuck. These past 7 weeks have been weird, not going to lie. My emotions were going in and out and twisting and turning like no other. I had some really good conversations with friends to get through these weird emotions, I read some helpful books and talked to my therapist. I learned the difference between feeling alone and thriving in solitary. I had this fear of sitting with my thoughts and really getting to know myself, I moved here thinking that I knew myself fully, but living alone, you start to realize, there is so much more to unravel. New traumas have revealed themselves, dark anxious thoughts have appeared but so did a whole lot of self love!
So, what have I learned in this scary ass era of my life? Well, to still take opportunities to grow and learn. We are never done learning about ourselves as humans. I learned that I was using apps to go on dates/hangouts, so I wouldn't be with myself, I was going against my own morals just to not be with myself, this was a major discovery that lead me to really force myself to sit down alone! I have written books about not letting a man dictate your life and not dating just for the sake of dating, when its right it will happen ❤. I learned that my thoughts aren’t me, we have so many thoughts a day, thoughts we don’t even create, we are our actions not our thoughts! The most important lesson I learned, was that there is strength in solitude! Being comfortable with yourself in the most vulnerable setting (alone with no distractions) is one of the most powerful and helpful things you can do for yourself. Yes, its fucking scary, I ran away from myself for 5 weeks, but after getting through those few weird days, weeks and months, there really is a pretty rainbow at the end and her name is, Self Love.
Love, Antonio
✍🏽 Page: https://www.amazon.com/Antonio-Liranzo/e/B08RCCBNF6%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share
